My grandfather is terminal........

Well he's not really my grandfather, but he's the closest thing I've ever had to one. I never knew my real grandfather and this man has always been there for me. Last year he found out he had prosthetic cancer and he's been going through chemo. We all thought it was working....but this morning, he was declared terminal. They aren't even sure if he'll make it through the night.

I want to see him....but I can't. My fear of hospitals and seeing him like that would totally freak me out. How selfish is that? I won't even go see my own grandfather on his death bed!!!! Hell I'm pathetic........